Monday, December 4

Cameron Diaz Gets Her Schnozz Shaved Down


Source: Celebnewswire.com

Cameron Diaz is set to have--or has already had, it's not clear--a nose job. Unlike other blonde celebrities we can think of, Cameron will happily admit her procedule to anyone who will listen, explaining that it is medically necessary for her health and well-being. We are hoping that this excuse will quickly become the third-world adoption of 2007, with Nicole Kidman saying that her GP recommended Botox because her wrinkles were obstructing her vision and Pamela Anderson rationalizing her comically colossal fake jugs by saying that she had to get them to cure her hep C.

Don't ever let anyone tell you that beautiful Hollywood actresses aren't geniuses. Today's Mensa quote comes courtesy of the glamorous Cameron Diaz, explaining her planned rhinoplasty:

"My ear, nose and throat doctor said nostrils only work one at a time, I think. I only have one that works at any point, so when it's off, the other one doesn't come on. They're going to swipe it through. It's not cosmetic, it's just for breathing purposes. Half the oxygen isn't working for me any longer. There are moments where I can't remember things and I'm going to blame it on lack of oxygen. They're just going to go in and fix the bones. The septum's kind of like a derailed train; it kind of piles up on itself a few times. It's not cosmetic, it's purely medical."

So, humans have two nostrils, but only one works at any given time? And because Cameron Diaz's nose has been broken, her nostrils are completely blocked? And when they are blocked, she can't just switch to breathing out of her mouth; instead, she opts to not breathe and therefore has brain damage? Yes. That sounds about right.

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